xuan i think i may not go tml.
not because i cannot, but maybe i dont want to.
ask me, and i will tell you why.

stop it already you're making me irk.
being sarcastic, bitching about me to others
then turn around and try to be nice and concerned like how you should be.
i.dont.need.that.
why dont you show your dysfunctional insecure self to others around you then.
or am i the only one perceptive enough to it.

right now im just feeling the withdrawal effects, for lack of a better description.
i wish you'd get a replacement,
or turn up tml.
or sooner
or now.
so weird that you're so far away, that i cant get to talk to you.

tired!
went to sch today... met val, liwei and kane
to sort out tix stuff.
heh.
den went for lunch, and met aunt ella.
sigh. i miss her so much, and well.
sad la didnt really get to talk to her!
and elisha's all grown up now, lil lady ;)

JIE!!! we mustmustmust take pics with them on monday!
bring cam k! and i must take w you!!! :D
<3333333333

i liked de sermon today.
Go the 1st mile, before you look at taking tt extra mile for others.

cherie said once,
easy come, easy go.
indeed.

yes i know ive been away for a lil while.
wed... i think i didnt blog.

thurs i was at mediacorp watching Singpore Idol recordings.
(SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)
we're all keeping our fingers crossed!
thanks dear Guowei!!! so so so much
i think my respect level for him really rose steadily this year!
ahhhhhh. :) choir boy's growing up heheheheh.
sua and i were laughing all the way,
trying to block our faces from de cam with de orange balloons
and making lame jokes bout suria :P:P:P
haha. saw pretty seniors! jingmin, ying yi, yuru, tammy, jialing... etc.
so many pple la! we took up and entire block of seats!
and chee yang was arnd de building doing clothes fit also ahhaha.

i think council elections screwed up
but well, its de juniors' leaders they voted so ya.
tts their problem now.

sua lost his phone, so no wonder he nv pick up.
mmmms. hope he's not gg be screwed for this.
i know how shitty it feels to lose a phone.
ive lost 2 myself. RAWRS. =(

yay! long weekend!
yay lunch with my aunt whom ive not met for FIVE YEARS tml!!!
double yay! :D:D:D

i have a million apologies to make
that ive caused you to get hurt.
i hope you're ok... sigh.

casualties are sick, esp wad happened today.
and thus my GP lesson wasnt spent doing compre
but we ended having a deep discussion on well.
life, its worth, etc.

sunday was such a lazy day!
RAWRS.
i practically did nothing la...
woke up late, attempted reading my econs but only finished 1 of 3 chapters.
chem tuition was productive though! haha.
RAWRS mr lee underestimated my ability to do bring-home work!!!
-.- haha. but after 2 hours of endless NMR questions my head was in a cloud.
so, tonight im attempting numerical mtds tut 1!
mrs koh is SO FAST can... i barely understand wad im doing. :S

DEAR ALL! COME FOR HC CHOIR CONCERT!!!
Venue: Victoria Concert Hall
Date: 21st May
Time: 2.30pm, 7.30pm
Prices: $12, $15 ( ASK ME AND I WILL TRY GET YOU THE EXCLUSIVE $13.20 ones! )

so far... Alvin's coming! yay!
thanks so much alvin :)

today was a busy day!
met up w jo at macs at bpp till noon
in a valiant attempt to brainstorm my art :X
den went to sch for mtg.
and stupid emmett's so niao to leave empty seat beside me for the late person. -.-
after choir mtg w alumni,
went to coro w de rest of j2 comm to eat!
but i nv eat la, ate w jo alr.

den sua decided he'll send me to wherever im going
and so my nice twin sent me to bpp! hurhur. how rare tt he's being nice.

met with eunice for our project, finished it just in time!
sighs, im sad tt i couldnt go for fac outing.
wanted so badly to make it, but well.
heard they had tons of fun. sadness... that im missing out a major fac event. i did want to go!

but ya aniwae, conducted class today! wahahahha.
seating at de teacher's seat w eunice felt so :X scary! hahaha.
it was a gd learning experience though. =)

yay alvin! great job too! ;)
hahaha.

SHAONING IS VERY VERY HAPPY ABOUT HER NAPFA!!!
hehehehehe.
i hope i'll run my 2.4km well, then get perfect score for de last napfa i'll ever have to do :D :D :D
Thank the Lord!!! its truly a miracle.
- sit and reach: 51
- sit ups: 40
- inclined pull ups: 18
- shuttle run: 10.8
- standing broad jump: 195

woots. im very very amazed/in disbelief.
but meanwhile, i have to train for my 800m!!!
peiyi is running!!! die liao la. :X

i cant continue this way cos i'll be in pieces
dont you see that all your selfish motives
leaves us nowhere to run, and nowhere to go
i think i just have to be hurt enough
to pack up one day, and walk out of your life.
yet.
every time i made up my mind to walk away,
you find new reasons to make me stay.

im late for sch again.
but at least i made up my mind not to skip.
one more week! i cant wait.
five years is a long time of separation.

ten more days.
to 27th April.
omg SHAONING PLEASE START ON YOUR ART!!!!

its a vicious cycle, of highs and lows in life
that has gotten me so tired.
so freaking tired.
so many commitments, i have to rush them.
Lord please grant me strength.
Eunice!!! are you ready to chiong this proj! hehe.

went for Magic Fundoshi with Huey, Elphia, leong, jolyne, dezhang!
they met up (except dz) at sketches, am v glad i was able to join them!
Fundoshi was explicit, yup.
but somehow i wasnt v affected, i dont know why.
maybe cos of my position as an audience, and view being half-blocked by the lady infront of me.
or isit my exposure in art to nudes and all?
i dunno, if this constitutes worry on some others' part.

well i agree that the nudity in the 3rd scene by Emma Yong was unneccessary.
the guys one... well, its funny la. but other than that, does it really serve a purpose besides being "true" to the original script?
is all these risque stuff for the sake of coming across as "liberal, open" arts culture, or really play a significant role in bringing out the messages in the plays?
these are kyogen plays, aka comedies, not serious stuff i know so they joke about sex in jap cultural perspective.
we may find it appalling, but also goes to show, how vastly diff is the jap way of thinking from us, with a fusion of cultures.

and what ivan heng said at the start really got me thinking.
" happy easter to all christians seated amongst us, im sure you wont have any guilt from watching our performance tonight!"
hmmmm.

Thank you Lord! for every blessed easter.

someone sent my daddy this msg, and i decided to post it up!

He had no servants,
yet they called Him Master.

He had no degree, a carpenter's son
yet they called Him Teacher.

He had no medicine
yet they called Him Healer.

No army, yet kings feared Him
Won no military battles, yet conquered the world.

He committed no crime,
yet they crucified Him.

Was buried in a tomb
yet He lives today! =)

its all about choice.

yays!
i had a great time talking with jo and eunice today after service!
gave me great help on my art concepts, those 2.
WHAT CHAIR!!!!! IM IN TOTAL AWE.
haha. *sighs* :)

today was a mad rush for me!
woke up at 7 plus... reach sch arnd 9am.
did banner till 11 plus and rushed for FUM party at 1!
den nice dude Frankie drove us to church which ended at 8.20pm,
but we chatted till 9.30!
woots.
and huey gave me an ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE keychain!
AHHHHHHHH!!!! heheheh. :D

hmmm. im worried bout chee yang not turning up, for next sat.
and i just realised i wont be able to go...
for fac outing cos i have presentation in class
and i dont think i should skip tt.
sigh. its gonna be SO hard to put across....

i really wish i cancelled on what i had this evening
and went for piglets' outing.
i felt i'll have made it worth much more
and its really really quite an upset for me.
sighs. if not for pre-arranged choir stuff
some pple just never fail to piss me off.

BUT! piglets will definitely ahve another outing!
with me arnd :P
and we shall have a gd talk.

had a long talk with nicole
and it kinda made me realise
that im very disillusioned about guys and rlnships (likewise her)
and how we react a certain way due to our way of thinking haha.
haha. not too gd i think, for future friendships.
but ah well. heh. we shall see!

i love the OC soundtrack. AHHHHHHHH.
i think i'll go get it. :P

Thank you lord,
for your abundant mercy and grace.
that you suffered and died for a sinner like me.
reflecting upon it just makes me very very much ashamed.

today i ran 400m heats.
it wasnt gd; lock said i ran like a long dist runner.
and i was quite startled to realise its true.
i have no speed, only stamina.
sigh.
next heats is 800m.
and wait, not heats. its finals. ARGH. :X

im determined to go train up for it!

Laudate Dominum
Psalterio et chitara

went for waterpolo match, and thus missed econs.
yay HC won!!! :D
thanks for the various pple who kept me company thruout!
went with benji and sat with choir pple
talked to chryz!! :D who was v nearby!
went back sch with ella!
hehe. gd time =)
econs i got a C after all. the bad grades of MCQ cant be offset by my relatively better DRQ and Essay. :S
but still praise God! :)

hurhur.
reading her blog about relationships
just got me thinking.
am i very cynical, or are they all very pointless?

im looking for some way out of this besides crying.

你让我很心痛
想了想
最后决定我不想再心碎一次

她的这句话
隐藏着多少悲伤

"i wish i never met you, so i'll not have to learn how to forget you."

pls cheer up dear, im always here for you.

Dear Christine

thank you so so so much for making my day today.
and its extra special cos its a monday and mondays are the hardest day to cheer someone up, but you did.
its really comforting knowing there are people i can always count on to talk to
to trust to be there even when no one else gives a damn.
:)

i have decided
that im going to work hard at being stable, at being less mercurial
talking to ella, made me realise how cynical a person ive become.
me along with peiyi, her and alot of others.
i wish i will have time soon, to find my ny geppers
and just sit arnd and talk.

oh Lord, let me learn to be a happier person.
i think i need to learn from shufen! heh.
oh everyone go look up Pearls Before Swine comics.
they are so insanely cute thank you ella!!!

i cant wait for aunt ella and elisa to come back from Aussie!
date slated on 26th apr, 4pm flight.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
im so excited cos i havent seen them for 5 years!
yes, its tt sad. =(
so many things to catch up on etc.

julian, pls pls take care in there k?
i wont know seriously, when im gg to see you again.
but when i do! you'd better be driving me arnd! :P
hahahaha. no la just kidding. :P

i need more discipline.
i have 2 months to finish my art work.
and i havent started.

argh. so many meetings!
tml fac meeting, which i'll be late for i think.
and meeting with liwei. can you believe it? LIWEI.
hurhur. sua and val are niaoing me about it.
but yea wadeva. tt was 3 years ago.

i ate the best cheesecake EVER today!
(ok so its not v fair a statement since i hardly ever eat cheesecake)
its de nicest CHEESY cheesecake, cos de nicest non-cheesy cheesecake is from secret recipe!
ok typing all the cheese words got my finger-tied. :P
ya, aniwae this cheesecake was made by a girl from A12.
she gave my tutor and my tutor gave me some! :D
:D
3 layers! :
crumbled oreo biscuits held together with chocolate that was poured over and hardened.
on top of it is cheese mixed unevenly with chocolate mousse so its got a marble look
right on top of that inch of cheese is melted choc fudge and mousse with whipped cream designs!
AHHHHHHHHHH. pure heaven.
i ate 2 chunks of it. would've had more if not for choir immediately after eating it.
hahahaha :P

thankyou for taking the trouble to go home later
walk up that tiring slope
gd company makes me happy even if i dont say so.

joce's house!!!
i cant wait.
and piglets' outing!!! :D let us pick a gd place
to hang arnd and basically just ROT. :P
i mean, catch up.

SHAONING YOU NEED TO DO WORK!
wake up!!!

fire flames with all its brilliance and dazzle
and tries to reach out to the depths of the ocean
but extreme elements cannot co-exist
nor will they ever come to understand the state of being of the other
being so vastly different
in everything save their intensity
there is too much water, too much water in her to be encompassed
it is something he will drown in, those ocean eyes
and the flames will dampen, sizzle, die upon contact
for they are truly infinite,
and left with something not quite satisfying on both sides.

what a funny question to ponder on
but that i did:
what does it take for you to kill someone?
i remember, fondly, choo's poem for us
5 ways to kill a man.
and well, i think the deadliest way to kill someone
is with words for daggers
into their souls of listening vulnerability.

疲惫的脸颊淌着两溪沉默的失望.

dont ask me how, what, why.
just let me cry it out.
i'll be ok tml, isnt tt what i always say anyway?

you ask me why isit that i always have so much work to do?
sure does sound like inefficiency on my part huh.
but well, i dunno. i try to clear, but stuff keeps coming!
lol, and so it boils down to prioritising.

my phone bill is dying, ever since my sops swelled to 27 pple!!! =X
hurhur. can you imagine my despair when linxin sends relay msg of 2-3 pages long?
acks. i hope it never has to go above 40 bucks...
:S recall the horrifying bills of dec 04! notching up 60-70 bucks is no joke.
heh. i cant imagine you using only 400+! and tt your parents actually chide you for tt number :P its almost half of mine!

i tink im coming to be very pro status quo, which is bad.
hurhur, in many aspects.
funny, i thought i'd have more time for my work now tt blocks are over,
but hey, isit just me or there's alot more things to do now!!! lol.
and im falling fast behind my work. :P